Over the course of the last week we have had four Discussion Groups to discuss problems that have arisen over the past month or so at Dominion. We have been growing fast and the sim is busy with new personalities streaming through regularly. With so many new people, there has been some confusion about rules and etiquette, and conflicts in style. All of this has led to some bad feelings, and some of our visitors and even members have felt unwelcome on sim.
A number of themes emerged from the discussions. I have outlined the main ones below:
RULES
-there is a lack of knowledge about the actual rules of the sim. The only rules are posted on the wall of the Dominion Castle. Any other rules Ladies are quoting do not exist and perhaps have been based on their own preferences or on actions by other Ladies.
RESPECT FOR COLLARS
-some Ladies have not been respecting collars and have been contacting, and in some cases openly soliciting other Ladies' submissives. This is against sim rules:
1. Respect all owned submissives and all collars. Always inquire before engaging in any type of play.
GOSSIPING AND IMPOLITE BEHAVIOUR
-some Ladies have been gossiping, cold shouldering, or acting rude towards other Ladies on sim. Although I understand not everyone will like each other, basic politeness is required in any community in order to function properly.
ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR
-there have been reports of abusive behaviour, where subs have been physically or verbally abused, intimidated, or bullied. Please note that The Dominion endorses and enforces SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual Play), and also states in the rules:
4. All play is consenual. If you are uncomfortable in a situation, exercise your right to say no.
The main word that was repeated over and over again was RESPECT. Respect for other people's styles, respect for collars and Ladies' rules for their submissives, and respect for people's feelings and rights.
A number of suggestions to improve the situation were put forth including creating more rules. In my opinion, more rules and restrictions are counter productive to maintaining an open, safe, and comfortable environment for our members to practice D/s how they see fit. I believe our existing rules are adequate to maintain a strict and respectful Femdom environment.
Others suggested implementing criteria in order to wear the 'Mistress' or 'Sub' tag. This also holds no appeal to me, mainly due to the fact that I do not believe it is my right to determine if people 'qualify' for either role (nevermind the infrastructure and paperwork necessary to qualify 1100+ members). I also do not like the idea of having different 'levels' of Dommes. Any labels we do have at Dominion exist to identify staff or 'guides' on sim (such as our Ladies of The Dominion), not to elevate one Lady above another. All of our Dommes are equal and should be respected as such.
To me one of the answers is education. Education for our Ladies in particular, who lead the way at Dominion, but also for our submissives. To that end, we will be doing a number of different things including continuing our ongoing Mistress Mentoring Program which includes one on one Mentoring if requested (see the sign at the info centre to find out how to setup an appointment), as well as our biweekly Mistress Mentoring Discussion Groups. Lady Jovial Denimore will be teaching two classes in June titled BDSM Etiquette and BDSM Psychology-Defining Abuse. We will also be holding more general discussions where problems can be brought forth and openly discussed.
Another idea we will be implementing is a submissives mentoring or support group, which was suggested during our Subs Only Discussion this past Sunday. This group will exist to assist new submissives on sim, and to help deal with complaints of abuse or intimidation. Watch for more details in the coming days.
Also look for a restructuring of our Domininon Staff with an eye to making our staff group more relevant and effective in guiding our members and mediating any problems.
To those of you who would like to help improve the situation I ask you to educate yourselves and to get involved. Know the rules, take the time to get to know our members and visitors to our sim. Attend our Discussions if you can and most of all, respect other's practices and styles.
To those of you who already work so hard to help our members and visitors, thank you. You are the ones responsible for our success and for all of the wonderful comments I hear. And don't let this post mislead you, I hear many, many fantastic comments about Dominion and our members: how welcoming the Ladies are to new Mistresses, how helpful our members are to new submissives, and the biggest compliment, how many people feel totally at home.
In closing I would like to say to all of our members, if you have a problem, contact me to discuss it. I can't correct a problem that I am not aware of. Please drop me a notecard and I promise you I will deal with each situation personally to the best of my abilities. This includes concerns about our staff members or anyone else on sim. If you enjoy what we have together as a community, help us to preserve it and improve it as we continue to grow together.
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