ETIQUETTE FOR GENTLEMEN
ON THE IMPORTANCE OF GOOD MANNERS.
High birth and good breeding are the privileges of the few, but the habits and manners of a gentleman may be acquired by all. It is of no use to assert that their acquisition is attended with little difficulty, for a perfect manner in society is the result of a succession of small sacrifices. No one can be perfectly well-mannered who is selfish, and even the minor virtue of punctuality can only be attained at the expense of pleasure.
Etiquette is not to be learnt from association with men; it is woman who creates society. Just as the height of a stage of civilization can always be measured by the amount of deference which is paid to women, so the culture of a particular man can be gauged by his manner when in company with ladies. Primitive men used to gather round the food which they had won in the chase, and throw the bones over their shoulders to the women, who sat outside the circle. Primitive men made the women do all the hard work, and gave them all the heavy burdens to carry. Civilized man, on the contrary, gives precedence to woman in every particular ; he does not eat himself till she is served, lie is careful to give her the best place at an entertainment, he lets her walk on the inside of the path, and opens the door for her when she is leaving the room. Woman was wise in forming society, for these small observances not only conduce to her own comfort, but are highly beneficial to the character of the man, who would without them become rough and selfish.
It is in the society of ladies that a man's manners are formed but the effect of them is felt wherever he goes. The polish which he acquires in the drawing-room he will carry with him unconsciously into the smoking-room of the club, and good manners are never out of place anywhere, but have their effect wherever they are found. Home training is of the greatest importance. A wise mother will endeavour to train her boys in nice habits from the first; she will teach them to defer to their little sisters, to take off their hats when they meet a lady, to hand round cakes at afternoon tea, or to change the plates at lunch. When a boy gets older he should take his sisters to any place where they need an escort, and lie should not think it manly to protest against doing so, as an encroachment on his time, but should consider it simply as a duty which it believes him to perform, and which it is ungentlemanly to execute ungraciously. A man who is always in the company of his own sex may be voted an uncommonly good fellow in the club smoking-room, but lie will never be welcome in a lady's drawing-room if lie be deficient in the performance of those small observances on which women set great store.
The youth who is launched upon the world without the advantages of a good home-training, is placed at a sad disadvantage to start with. He will often give offence without intending it, and cause embarrassment when lie means to please. And the laws of etiquette are like the laws of England—everyone is supposed to know them, and is punished if he does anything to break them. For this reason it is proper for a man to pay attention to acquiring the -art of etiquette, and in one way it is more requisite for him than it is for a woman, for a man can never remain passive in society, but has a number of active duties to perform. Neither can he pick up so many hints upon demeanour as a woman can; lie has not the feminine gift of seeing without appearing to look, of covering a mistake almost before it is made. He has no eyes in the back of his head; neither does lie appear capable of carrying on a conversation whilst taking in everything that is going on around him. Under these circumstances it is plainly necessary that a man should study etiquette; lie cannot imbibe the manners of society unconsciously, so his best plan is to find out exactly what he has to do. Grace should not be consciously attempted, but when ease of manner is once obtained, grace is likely to follow.
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